Yesterday I got into a parking lot altercation with the guy who runs a coffee shop I go to all the time. Looks like I’ll never be going back there. So if I fall asleep when I’m talking to you, it’s because my caffeine options have been limited.
So i made a personal promise to the wonderful Ruthie Chen that I would be more vigilant about documented the many ridiculous situations I find myself in, and last night was yet another comedic scene from the movie that is my life.
The scene starts with me and Ruthie sitting at a table last night at Cafe Asia when an older gentleman approached us.
Wait, before I start this story, may I just relay an interesting exchange I heard last night?
Guy: What’s your name?
Guy: As in the date rape drug?
Ruthie: No, Ru-THIE
Esi: What?! Why would you say that to someone?! Besides who names their kid Roofie? **Bonus points to anyone who remembers what GOB calls roofies on Arrested Development**
Ruthie: Yea, I get that all the time
Alright, personally that sounds pretty terrible to me. Ruthie, how can people seriously think your name is Roofie? and if they don’t seriously think that, why would they joke about it? Anyways, I’m pretty sure Ruthie thought nothing of the exchange, I on the other hand, am confused and find it pretty incomprehensible. Perhaps its the thought of comparing my dear, fashion forward friend with a drug used to make people forget things, so you can take advantage of them…
Ok now on to the real story. If this was a tv show, that would have been the cold open. So now the opening credits have played and it’s on to the meat of the show.
So we’re sitting at the table and the man comes up to us and asks me where I’m from. I tell him my family is from Ghana but that I live in MD (I never know how to quite answer these questions). Ok so this whole time he is still awkwardly holding my hand from when we shook hands. I try to sneak my hand back and I’m unsuccessful. He tells us he is a math professor at Howard University, and then turns to Ruthie and proceeds to tell her about a Chinese colleague of his. I’m guessing he assumed Ruthie was Chinese (which she is) but still, what if she was Korean? Besides, just because you’re the same nationality as someone doesn’t mean you care to hear stories about them.
The next several minutes were full of him mumbling things to us while we tried to ignore him and decide on what to order. Then, he pulled out his wallet to give us money so we could go buy a drink At one point he fell off of his stool so we had to help him get up, which must have been pretty embarrassing for him. He kept grabbing my hand and trying to talk to me, while Ruthie and I tried to ignore him. Eventually, our friend Lee came and we thought we would be done with this guy.
Unfortunately, he kept trying to talk to us until the people who worked there told him he couldn’t sit at our table because it was reserved for a party (our alumni happy hour). Then he looks at me and says: “Parties, who cares about parties. They’re stupid. Do you like parties?” I awkwardly just stared at him and tried to figure out how to respond. Luckily, a woman who worked there came over again and escorted him out. Thank God. But honestly, why does this type of thing happen to Ruthie and I?
update: I saw this same man when I was getting lunch about 2 weeks later. Thankfully, he did not recognize me.