As I write this I am literrally squished on the metro. Rewind to 5 minutes ago: I had just gotten off work and as I descended underground to catch the train, I noticed that there was already a train down there. So escalator etiquette (something we were all born with) says if u want to stay on the same step and leisurely look at the ceiling, stand on the right, if u have a life and have places to go, stay on the left, where in theory everyone is still actively climbing the escalator. Anyways I needed to get down that escalator, and fast, so I was on the left. The guy in front of me was also moving but very slowly. Who moves at a leisurely pace when there’s a train already there? Anyways while I tried to be patient, I couldn’t take it anymore (it had been a full 4 seconds) and that train would leave any second. So what did I do?
I mentally murdered him.
I said in my head “oh my gosh, I want to kill you”. Now I would never carry those thoughts out, because the sight of blood makes me sick but the damage had already been done. I had committed the sin mentally, which in the eyes God, was just as bad. And here’s the best part: after those excruciating few seconds where I shot daggers at the back of this guy’s head with my eyes, I finally boarded the train. It’s a miracle! The train waited for me!, I thought to myself.
Not only did it wait for me, it waited for the next 10 people. No, these people weren’t fast runners, it’s just that the train sat there with it’s doors open for THE NEXT 2 MINUTES! Yea and there I was thinking I had beat the system, but God, the director of the comedy known as my life, thought it would be a hilarious plot twist if the train I just ran to catch sat there for a couple of minutes.
I wasn’t the only one who darted onto the train with a look of relief. Every other person after me had the same look on their face as I did. The “yes! I caught the train 2 seconds before it pulled away” face. And of course after standing there with the doors wide open for a couple minutes, our faces changed to: “I feel like an idiot”. All the while, God chuckles heartily (I imagine it sounds alot like Santa Claus).
On the flip side of things, there were 2 guys who actually did get on the train 2 seconds before it pulled away… Well sort of. The doors started closing while one guy darted in and the doors closed on him but he must have been Superman because he non-chalantly pushed them apart. Another guy came after him and stuck his hands in the closing doors to pull them apart so he could get on, but he was unsuccessful because of course there is only one Superman and he was already on the train. Honestly though, that whole metro doors closing on people’s limbs thing was scary.
Did I mention this was all happening when I was squished against a wall? As I’m sure as you can guess, this post has taken me so long to write, most people have cleared off the train and now I have a seat. Anyways, lesson learned. That is the last time I try to kill someone in my mind.
This blog post brought to you by my mobile Tumblr iPhone app and my sheer desire to blog while squished inside a moving train during rush hour.